Today, I finally heard God.

The past few days have been sad for me, because I’ve felt like I wasn’t hearing God speaking to me. I’ve been talking with Him about things that have upset me – my grandma’s surgery, my great-grandma’s pain, my dad not being home, my friends being away, my brother’s worries… So much has been happening, but I haven’t been hearing God!

I’ve never doubted that God cares for us. But when I feel disconnected from God, I feel so much weaker - and empty.

Last night, I went to Mass and prayed before Jesus, “Please, make me humble. Open me, let me hear Your voice!” And this morning at Mass, God spoke to me through the Scriptures.

Then he made the disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear. At once [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was, he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, “Truly, you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14: 22-33)

I saw myself as Peter, asking Jesus to call me to Himself. He called me, and I came. I finally answered Jesus’ call and began looking into religious life. But lately, things have seemed so much more daunting, and I’ve begun to sink.

Jesus, the Word of God, tells me through this Scripture that I have only to call out to Him for help, and He will save me. As Father Jan read the Gospel today, I saw myself struggling in the dark waters. I saw my sight become blurry. I felt Jesus holding my limp body to His, and His voice in my ear, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

This image makes me weep, because I can only imagine how much it hurts Jesus that I’ve doubted Him. Father centered today’s homily on the Gospel as it relates to John Paul II’s teaching: The only way that we can be successful in living the Christian life is if we fix our eyes on Jesus. Today I am telling Jesus that I want to fix my eyes on Him – that I want Him to be my only goal for myself, my family life, my relationships with friends and co-workers, my activities. Please, Jesus, help me to fix my eyes on You. Nothing else has value. Nothing else matters.

St. Peter, pray for us.
St. Sixtus, happy feast day.

Amen.