I recently wrote (and vented) about my parents’ lack of understanding and vocal support towards my propensity to religious life. I’d like to somewhat correct or update these observations, then discuss other topics that have come up during my discernment.

Since I went to visit the Daughters of St. Paul, I’ve become more sympathetic towards my parents. After talking with Sr. Raymond Marie, I see that they very well are supporting me, but still don’t know how they are supposed to act because it’s a new situation for them. That’s certainly something I understand. I am, after all, their firstborn.

Another discovery I’ve made during my discernment is that there’s no need for me to change myself. For someone who has never seriously discerned a vocation to the religious life, the idea of someone feeling as though they should suppress some parts of their personality to fit a certain image probably sounds horrible. But let me tell you, when you’re surrounding yourself with nuns, it really makes you feel like you have an obligation to fit the “idea” of a nun. For instance, the fact that I have yet to meet a nun who is unashamed to headbang is really disconcerting. It makes me think in horror about how my tastes could 180 and turn me into someone I’m not. It’s hard to picture yourself living in a community filled with people who seem to live in a different world from you, no matter how much they praise the Lord of the Rings and The Matrix!

But, thanks be to God, the closer I grow to the heart of Jesus, the more I see how much He loves me the way I am. So if He wants me to be His bride, He’s going to get a headbanging, loud-laughing, sharp ‘n nerdy, indie, attractive, media-savvy, somewhat demanding, dork of a bride.

Now, down to the things I have yet to do. I have yet to contact the Archdiocesan Vocations Director, Fr. Cepeda. Long have I hesitated such a meeting for a medley of reasons. One is that I honestly don’t feel all that welcome to prance down to the Pastoral Center and ask for an appointment. Seems to me like Fr. Cepeda is more concerned with meeting young men feeling the call to diocesan priesthood than girls feeling called to the consecrated religious life in an order that doesn’t really have a huge impact on the archdiocese. He certainly seems like a wonderful priest, and I know he does a wonderful job with the seminary, but again, I don’t really feel like my potential vocation is so important or of much concern to the people “running things” here.

In related news, I’ve decided that I need to visit one of the Daughters’ formation houses for a while, either in October of this year or in 2008. The problem is that my financial resources are limited. The money I make from my current summer job is going towards my World Youth Day 2008 fund, and whatever other monies I have are just enough to take care of my daily transportation needs. My dear parents offered to pay for a plane ticket, but everyone knows I absolutely hate it when they use any sum of money over $40 on me. I haven’t heard of any fund in my archdiocese for these sorts of uses, nor of any outside Catholic charity who offer monies to individuals for this reason. So for now, I’m going to play the waiting game. If Sr. Margaret, the national FSP vocations director, doesn’t know of how I could get such a scholarship, I might finally make my way down to the Pastoral Center and see Fr. Cepeda.

That’s all I’ll write for now. Take refuge in the Holy Trinity.

Pax et bonum,

angela