Last night, while my family and I were watching Miss Potter (a five-star film that I highly recommend, by the way), the phone rang. It was Sr. Raymond Marie of the Daughters of St. Paul, calling to schedule our first meeting. We talked for about five minutes and set the appointment. When I came back downstairs, I apologized for having interrupted our movie time, then said, “On Sunday, I’m going to visit the Daughters of St. Paul.” “Where are they?” my mother asked. And that was all. No look of encouragement on their faces, no look of discouragement. Just blank expressions, as if I hadn’t said a word.

We’ve all heard that good Catholic homes are the birthplace of religious vocations. I certainly would agree with that. My parents have lived out their marriage vocation well, making sure that my sister and I are brought up in a healthy Catholic atmosphere. Our spirituality is a combination of Irish- and Mexican-American Catholicism: traditional, but not “rad-trad”. My parents are very Catholic because they’ve grown up in Catholic environments. I wouldn’t say that they’re “the daily Mass type”. My grandparents, however, are very much so.

Even if the reason why I’ve grown up with a strong connection to my faith was my parents, I don’t think I would attribute my interest in a religious vocation to my parents. Never have my parents verbally encouraged me to the consecrated life. However, they have never explicitly discouraged it. Fr. Thomas Nelson, O. Praem. of the Institute on Religious Life believes that ignorance about the consecrated life is the reason why many strong Catholic families do not have children who consecrate their lives to Christ. I believe that is somewhat true for my own family.

Both of my parents went to Catholic schools and were taught by nuns; my mother by School Sisters of Notre Dame at St. Benedict’s Catholic School, and my father by the Salesians at St. John Bosco. My father is still in contact with the Salesians, and took me to visit them when I was younger. But it is unclear to me whether my parents truly understand what a vocation to the consecrated life means. Although their upbringing has instilled respect for consecrated persons in their hearts, I believe their minds lack the understanding. 

Lord, Am I Alone? 

In his talk Myths & Misconceptions Concerning Vocations, Fr. Nelson cites a study conducted under the Knights of Columbus which found that seventy-five percent of all young people who have seriously considered a religious vocation were never encouraged.

What are the sources of that encouragement? Fr. Nelson points out that teens and young adults won’t find it among their peers. Contemporary culture glorifies a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, material riches, and moral relativism. To be sure, I’d agree with Fr. Nelson that the majority of people my age won’t find their peers cheering them on to consider religious life. However, God has blessed me with a great exception. My best friends are all considering religious life themselves – one of them is in his second year at seminary, another is actively pursuing the priesthood. I’ve found some of the greatest encouragement from them.

The second possible source of encouragement that Fr. Nelson mentions is the body of men and woman already living out the consecrated life. I know that many nuns could name another nun who they say inspired them to consider the religious life. For me, I don’t think that was the case. No living sister has ever caused me to more seriously consider religious life. I’d say the two nuns who have ever truly inspired me to pursue a religious vocation are Sts. Teresa of Avila and the Little Flower of Jesus. Their love affairs with Jesus are enough to inspire wonder in any girl. Beside them, the body of consecrated people that I find most encouraging is Fraternidad Mariana de la Reconciliacion (the Marian Community of Reconciliation). These are young consecrated laywomen from Peru and Brazil whom my archbishop invited to the archdiocese. One of them has been my youth minister for the past two years. Those two years were when I decided to take my vocational discernment more seriously. 

Parents 

If peers and the consecrated religious are not where the encouragement is found, parents are where a person considering religious life needs to find support. In this case, parents are a problem. It may sound a bit horrible, but I believe it’s quite true. Face it: No one would argue against the statement that most Catholic parents do not vocally encourage their children to consecrate their lives to God and His Church.   

Assuming that most parents aren’t vocally discouraging their children, what are the others doing? “Many of our Catholic parents,” Fr. Nelson says, “would be delighted if their son became a priest or their daughter entered the convent. Yet they fear to encourage them. They are afraid that support might be perceived as pressure…” That is precisely what I think is happening with my parents.

“And then,” continues Father, “for their part, children – and teens and young adults – are often uncomfortable in bringing up the idea of a possible vocation because of their parents’ reaction.” As Fr. Nelson later says in his talk, everyone ends up tiptoeing around the subject of religious life because of fear. When I was seventeen years old, I first heard the call to religious life, but it wasn’t until a year later that I mustered up enough courage to explain to my parents why I was suddenly receiving mail from religious convents. That explanation was met with a lack of any kind of emotional expression. I didn’t talk to them again about religious life until I was eighteen, and now at nineteen, I hardly say a thing, because I don’t know what they think of my discernment. Are they at all happy that I’m thinking about it? How much are they disappointed? There’s no doubt in my mind that at least my father is a little disappointed; my whole life, he has spoken to me about “your future career” “in the business world” and “being your own boss”. (That’s a whole ‘nother blog entry in itself.) In all fairness, he has said, “Let us know if you need to go anywhere to visit” religious communities. But I remember him saying that same thing about rock concerts I wanted to attend.

Concerts I never attended. 

Ignorance Ain’t Bliss 

It’s not hard to be ignorant about religious life, even in a thoroughly Catholic environment. I’ll admit that, before my discernment began and I started to study the religious life, I had a hard time speaking to consecrated religious as real people. There was some sort of perception in my mind that they weren’t living in the same world as I. And even after I began discerning that life for myself, there were several nights I cried after picturing myself as a celibate! How, I wonder, could my parents see their “baby” living this life? To hear the myths and misconceptions about religious life dispelled, I’d encourage you to listen to Fr. Nelson’s talk here.

I wish my pastor would speak to the parents of my parish about the dignity of a religious vocation. Whether I am called to the consecrated life or not, someone in my parish is bound to have children who are called. I’d hate to think that they’d fail to hear or respond to God’s call simply because of ignorance or fear. 

This post is written in fond memory of Rev. Dr. James Sauer, my first philosophy teacher, and the first adult to see the face of a consecrated person in my own. I suspect that few Catholic sisters could say that a Presbyterian pastor encouraged them to consider religious life. He is greatly missed.